"Until matipun I would never convert!"

the words had come out of my mouth. Because I did not want to convert, because initially the Christian Protestant religion. I was born into a Christian family, I grew up in a Christian atmosphere. I had been a youth leader, Christian youth in the county, I also served as chairman of the Christian student
dikampusku. In fact I never wanted to be a pastor. As an activist church, I also became the driving motor in the development of Christian faith in my church, I wonder if I aspired to be a pastor. Well ... a priest is my dream, the dream that I want from the first. And the Christian body as if it was embedded in me. Various seminars and workshops on Christianity often I follow. Every day I want to flap my wings in the field of church services, ranging from the carrier / transmitter of the sermon in the worship of young teenage Christian musicians in worship, worship leader to take charge of the several Christian organizations.Somehow the first, which must first of all I believe it simply comes from my lord, jesus christ.

I truly believe that jesus was my lord, and there is no god but jesus christ. That's me, and I'm proud to call myself a Christian people. So many ups and downs in my ministry experience, and all that I believe to be the last course of my life, way of life in the Christian religion.Any cost and whatever the circumstances, I still want to be a Christian. Christians are not mediocre, Christians are not just ID cards only. I want to be a spearhead in the development of Christians, the missionary movement of Christianity, that's my hope.I often get angry to the members of my family including my parents themselves if they do not go to church, I often provide motivation to the friends of my Christian doctrine by giving to them about why we should come to church and why we should believe in jesus christ , even I became a place to vent and a place to ask my friends about some things in Christianity. With capitalize belief, I do all of that simply because my faith in jesus christ. With the lesson is to love one another as working capital to continue to serve jesus.Love one another, that I hold. However, the pain and whether any cost, I want to continue to serve jesus christ. Besides, there is artistic talent in me, not infrequently in a worship service often I accompany it with some musical instruments such as keyboard, guitar and drums. Because of worship without singing and musical accompaniment like cooking without spices, bland and tasteless anything for me. "Only jesus in my heart, no matter how or what, 'coz I just wanna live forjesus christ", that's the slogan or motto in my life before. Being a young Christian militant and powerful in all the trials were part of my desire, seemed to make the Christian life that continues to grow in me. Not easy to maintain confidence of someone who has given me to carry out these tasks, but I myself have never and never intended to resign even though sometimes conflicts arise within the organization that I hold. Because I run the organization out of love, and with the growing sense of sincere love that makes things easy and too beautiful to leave. "Proud" that's what I feel, could take charge of the core and driving force in the various fields of religion, especially Christianity.ISYAROH OF GODAs time went on, until I attended a university in Malang, East Java, create curiosity about Christianity grew stronger. As strong as my desire to be the spearhead of Christian ministry, which in the end I want to be a race winner (the designation for Christians who believe in jesus christ completely). With a strong curiosity, made me more want to learn what is actually Christian's. But when I want to explore Christianity and want to get serious about studying Christianity, when it did I had isaroh of GodIn 2005, the year when I experienced something very difficult to understand. When I sleep, suddenly heard a voice call to prayer that echoed in my ears. Very hard, like a large speaker right in ditelingaku, so it makes my heart tremble and heard. Call to prayer, I often heard the sound of the mosque or the mosque around my house. Call to prayer that I did not know and I do not understand, but at the time to listen, as if hatikupun participate mengumandangkannya. This is not a dream while sleeping, but it's real I'm experiencing. Because after I heard the call to prayer, I immediately woke up and the call to prayer is still reverberate ditelingaku. In penghilatanku as if not believing, because it was the midnight show, probably around 3 nights. That I knew, there was no prayer at being floated. The more I refuse to listen, the call to prayer sounded even louder. My heart wants to continue to listen, but the body and mind seemed to reject it. It seems like my heart has a way their own thinking. Because so scared, my body started shaking listen. And I do not know why my heart seemed to be able to proclaim and follow the call to prayer. That night was the night that is very strange to me, that echoed the call to prayer really tore my mind down. After that incident, I tried to forget it. Because I realized, I'm not a Muslim, I am the Christian religion so it is only fair if I try to forget the incident. Not easy to do to forget it, because if I kept being haunted that night. With a variety of activities and Christian worship, I'm trying to forget the incidentIn 2006, this is the year that really made me feel even more confused. One night, I fell asleep as usual. After teaching a computer in one of the vocational school in my place, I felt so tired because there is work that is piled up to make me have to work overtime. Around 10 pm I got home, I was immediately preparing to sleep, such as cleaning the body and pray before bed, praying Christian way of course. I too fell asleep, I dreamed in my sleep.Again, this is a strange occurrence. As if there are holding hands, I felt out of my own body. I also can see my own body, I was able to penetrate the roof the house and I could see the circumstances around my house that night. Quiet and cool, that's what I feel. More and more I'm getting into and over, without realizing it I was heading up the sky. In fact, chest tightness due to collide with the night sky, and seemed a little breathless nafaskupun being in a new atmosphere that I felt. Within a few seconds, it turns out I've been in outer space. Suddenly, he heard a melodious voice and loud, saying "This is the sun, this moon, this planet, this is the stars and look down, that the earth ...", and it is true, that before me was all that was mentioned. I can see clearly how the sun, moon, planets, stars and earth. Then the question arises in my heart, why the earth is below. He wanted to turn my head, and wanted to see who has the beautiful and melodious voice, but I like locked, unable to move anywhere. All I see is a highly visible bright light from behind. After that, came the sound again, "I am your Lord, I am the one, God Almighty ...". It's very difficult to understand it, even though I'm very hard to describe how the atmosphere of the nightThen I was taken down, and tangankupun held again. When crossing the sky, I think went straight to my place or go back to my original, but it was not, I was invited to fly to the west. Turns out I was on top of Mecca in just a few seconds, from the sky I saw thousands upon thousands of people around the black box of a building, that now I knew the building was the Kaaba. I'm really over these people, because they are like so many ants. Out of curiosity, in my heart, I wanted to come down, but immediately there is another voice saying: "Certainly you should not touch the ground there, you may only touch the heads of the people there", then I nodded. A few seconds after I nodded, I was on the heads of the people who were underneath. Then I walked around the Kaaba by walking over the heads of these people. In my dream, I'm still a bit confused because when I was walking on the heads of these people will definitely fall in my mind but it did not, that there are actually people are invited to set foot head. Looks like they form a line so I could pass over his head and looks like they already knew that I would come. Because there are some who smile at me, some people see me with that look sharp, some people see me with a soft gaze. Then I walked around the Kaaba. Out of curiosity, I wanted to go inside the Kaaba.I do not say anything, but my heart is speaking. Suddenly, the door of the Kaaba is opened its doors to the left and right slowly the truth I do not know how the shape and location of the actual position of the door of the Kaaba. And the second count I was at the Kabah. All I see is the wall that surrounds the calligraphy that I now know that calligraphy is the calligraphy writing Arabic. Writing large and luminous, bright golden color. That beauty can not tell by my writing. I marveled at the beauty of the text. Then I look around me, there's something more interesting. There are heaps of pearl shaped like a mountain, there is a pile of gold bars are lined up neatly and mounting, there is a pile of jewelry that bright light that looks like a mountain too, then there is the golden seat as well but I do not know what's seat. Without realizing, I stepped on the floor that was very different from regular floors. The floor is really shiny like a pearl whose light can not imagine many. Actually I find it hard to express the beauty of that place at that time, but I want to tell my best to remember the incident. Soon after I woke up from bed. I look at around 2:00 in the morning. I will continue to imagine the shadows of the dream, what does this mean, is there any clue in the dream, what the hell was speaking in my dreams, so many questions that arise in my mind. Whether dream or not, which of course this is really as real. Actually there are many more events that I experienced at the time of this dream. But certainly in broad outline, this is what I experiencedYear 2008 - 2009, is in an increasingly providing a bright spot, one of which is in my dreams I'm always on the go of an old man, bearded, tall, sharp nose, wearing a white robe, wearing a turban on his head and carrying prayer beads. From this incident I kept thinking, why her parents are often in my dreams. And the clothes he wore were never changed, always the same with my dreams before.The old man here is not the man who was old and weak to mamakai stick in his hand, but a man who is quite old with the body upright, tall and big. Aquiline nose, white skin, has beautiful eyes and sharp but still look soft.There are two dream of some other dream that makes I can not forget. The first night I dreamed of being a terrain disebuah no one around me. All I saw was a white mist that made a vague vision, seemed desolate and uninhabited. But when I look around the site, there is a figure of an old man wearing a white shirt, and the old man really is the parents who often appeared in my dream. He smiled at me, holding a shirt in his hands. He approached me, so I could clearly see his face in a dream, although I do not know why that in the real world like this I can not describe how to face and face the old man. He approached me, then he held out his hands. In each hand there is a shirt, on the left there is a black shirt or a red-black, I'd rather forget that certain dark-colored clothes, and then on the right hand contained a white shirt. He did not say anything, just looked at me sharply and seemed to me to choose the clothes.Then I had time to think, the clothes which I had to choose, he did not tell me to choose the left or right, he told me to pick your own and give me freedom. I had looked at his face, so soft and mententramkan heart, I can not tell how his face, which would have the satisfaction to see his face I'd never get, no peace I felt. Then I saw the clothes, I'm confused to choose which one. I saw the old man waited patiently, as if he gave me the freedom of dress which will select and no feeling upset or angry when he was waiting for me to choose a dress that is right before me. For some reason, in my heart wanted to choose a white shirt. Finally I took a white shirt in the hands of the right of the parents. And when I held, all of a sudden the clothes on. More and more I held on, and curiosity arose in me, then I just pick up and put it on. It turns out that I was wearing a white shirt was burning like a bright light and emit white light to illuminate the surroundings. Initially around the desolate and foggy white, immediately turned bright as the light that comes from my shirt. I've seen movies that tell a daughter / son of a king or oversized robe and crown the king's daughter / son of the king's direct spinning with joy, as well as with me, when I wear the clothes I was so happy, I immediately spin- round, laughing happily. I felt the time was hard to tell, because there is a sense of happiness that I never felt before.Truly amazing, the clothes initially mediocre plain white only directly change the glow and emit light, the dream at that time, but I could scarcely believe that it is a dream because it felt really real to me .Because too happy, I'd forgotten that he had to give the clothes.When I realized, it turns out he is not there in front of me. I see around me but I do not find the figure of him again. But what I remember is, when I choose a white shirt that was his right hand, the last thing I see is he smiling at me. Her smile was so gentle, as if the old man was also happy that I chose the white shirt. This dream is actually harder for me to understand, because the events in a dream that seemed real. But I do not ever tell anyone, fearing no one believes. I experienced this dream in 2008The second dream I dream is to meet with the old man again and the old man is still wearing the same clothes, I've experienced in a dream in 2009. One night I dreamed I was inside a house. The house was so clean and beautiful, furniture coverings and curtains cendela arranged neatly, floors and walls look so clean and well maintained. I also look around the house, it appeared like home in general. There are living room, bedroom, kitchen, wall hangings and so forth. I think in the dream, the house is this? While I was busy with my questions themselves, there is the sound of the knocks on the door from the outside. I'm a little scared, really there is a knock on the door of the house and I do not know who this was. Then with the courage, I will try to bring myself to open the door. And it turns out it was a knock on the door of an old man who often appeared in my dream. I went down, and beliaupun saw a look that is very sharp. I like still difficult to invite him in, but he was so looking forward to standing in front of the door. I like difficult to invite him to go into the house. Then I dared to look at his face again, and I could not move at all when I looked at his face. Maybe I was really stunned look on his face, because her face was as smooth and pleasing to the eye.So smooth and clean, white face, her skin is so beautiful, the clothes he was wearing was so smooth and beautiful, pure white is visible. Whether what I have to tell you how he figures, because I really can not tell you in a clear and detailed. For when seen clearly, it turns out the skin and the clothes he wear emit light, though not so bright, but could see no light emerging from his skin. After a while, I will invite him into the house, like those of Java generally, I was invited to invite brandished his thumb to sign in.. He smiled at me as he walked into the house, and sat in a chair beliaupun an existing one. I even followed him to sit down, and we also sat in face to face.He sat in a chair that long, and I sat in a chair short. I did not dare look at him, I will just silently bowed. Beliaupun did not say a word.So we both mutually stationary condition. He looked at me sharply, but I did not dare look at him. But I could feel that he is the look of pity gaze, like the look of a father who is watching his son. And I will feel that he was still smiling at me, and I looked down at it and not look at her face, but I could tell that he smiled at me. He still did not say anything and just smiled to see me. Then I awoke from my sleep. This is my dream that I can not forget to date inOf these events, makes me more curious and more curious if the purpose of the call to prayer and dreams. Then I tried to ask the people who are experts in the field of Christianity about it, but if the answer I received did not give me satisfaction. There is still something I do not understand, even I want to try to find another answer. I do not dare to arbitrarily choose someone to tell me about things I'm experiencing this. So I kept trying to find the right person to whom I have talked about that I'm experiencing it. Then I found one person who was once my heart as if to tell him, he is among people who know and understand about the religion of Islam, as one religious leader in his area, he also became one of the driving motor in the development of Islam in he area. He is a member of the adoptive family, because before I converted, I have a foster family.And adoptive families are all Muslims, but among us there is no wall of separation, because we love each other and respect. Only we have a different religion, I'd like the rest of the family as parents and children. Then a short story, slowly I tried to tell the events that I experienced in detail to him, and not only that I tell in this paper, but also some other events that I experienced. The first time he heard the story, he was very surprised. Even though he did not believe, he also had said: "Masyaallah ..., ... Subhanallah, what you experience really is the guidance of God. Even my own for years to Islam had never experienced such a natural you . It was the affair of Allah for everything ... ", from what he said was, made me re-think, was what I experienced was something unusual, you could say that not all people experience what I experienced. Of the several explanations to him, I tried to meditate and try to understand it. For some reason when he describes the events that I experienced, I really feel satisfied. But I still stick with my selfishness, that seemed to disregard the information from him. Because it is obvious that he gave the explanation that everything I experienced was from God Almighty, and that is a clue for me, so I could walk on the right way, ie in the way of Islam, especially after he said: "Hopefully, what you went through is really from God, and God wants you to know, you are given isaroh bahwasannya to become a Muslim is to be a new convert, "I know what the intention of converting, as I once knew and know the words converts. I rebelled, because I'm already a Christian more than 15 years. How could I converted just because of what happened - this incident, it is stupid to me. That's what I was feeling at that moment and I do not want to seek answers from natural events again. Because obviously, if I find an answer back, the answer I get is the answer I was invited to become converts. For others it may be easy to say it, but to me it is something very heavy.I live and thrive in a Christian environment, the Christian life is to continue to grow in me and I can not abandon Christianity for granted. "What the world says?!", In my heart saying this because I really find it impossible to leave Christianity. Over time, making me more and did not understand, there is spiritual warfare that I feel.How does this bathinku war, I can not explain with words. Because that's what I feel is so hard and so does not make sense to me at that time, I kept haunted by the guilt of why I asked that person. But there is one thing that makes me not understand, the more I wanted to move away from religious feeling, my heart continues to want to get there. I fought with my own heart, and it makes it very uncomfortable. When I was Christian worship, I feel something is missing. My heart has been rejected by some of the liturgy (the way a Christian worship) that I follow or that I lead. My heart seemed to have his own way, which in the end I kept on fighting with my conscience. Confused and tired, that's what I did. Because I feel there is something to be I found, there must be something that I get.But I might not be a Muslim, because of my background it was an activist church, it is not possible once I became a convert. Plus I was the Chairman of the Student Christian dikampusku, what the friends and my teachers when I became a convert to Islam, must be very embarrassing at all. Every night I went to war with my conscience, and if I wanted to scream at full speed because I was not strong. As a result of spiritual warfare that I actually felt it to be an atheist (not believing in God), for about 2 weeks I continued to pray do not want any and do not want to worship anything. I really leave any religious activities. And it's very painful for meLong story short, one night, on Friday morning at 01.00 am, as anyone wake me, it feels like to touch me there once and woke me from sleep. Then I woke from sleep, I think one of the adoptive family that woke me up because I was sleeping at home adoptive family. But when I awoke, there was not anyone. I was surprised and immediately cringe, because it is very strange to me the incident.While I was busy with my own thoughts, who can wake me up earlier, there is suddenly a soft voice so thrilling and said: "Islam is the true religion, Islam is a religion. What is wrong with Islam you move? Because Islam is actually good for you" , as I write even this, I shudder when remembering back to the incident. At that time my heart really feel comfortable listening to the gentle sound, but actually I was very surprised and very scared, because there is sound but no people. Then the voice said, "Get up and take wudhlu. Because it is good for you", then I woke up from my bed and go to the bathroom, I was actually confused as to why I like to obey the voice, but it actually moves my heart to the mind and body to follow the sound. Once in the bathroom I was again faced with the question, how do wudhlu her, because I really do not know. After a few seconds, the soft voice came back and said, "Wash your face, hands and feet with water, as you already know", to hear the voice, I immediately thought of a show on television, when the maghrib prayer, the display shows the people with the wudhlu, although not all show, but I still remember what needs to be cleaned. Then I washed my face, hands and feet, which actually I do not know at all how her wudhlu, only I was sure that what I'm doing is right. After air-wudhlu I went back to bed, I'm confused about what else. Then the voice came again, "Pray to God, as Muslims pray. Ask God what is in your heart, because God saw you now and God knows what you did, because God is waiting for you", after that I tried to sit with circumstances such as bow legs, it feels like all the prayers, but because I can not pray, I just sit down and make prostration three times like a prayer I have ever seen. After prostrating three times, then I raise my hand, he prayed: "O Allah, here I am, what a servant, your servant full of sin, expect compassion from you. If you allow the slave converts, give opportunity to the servants to do the creed right now, but if you do not want a slave converts, take a servant's life right now, rather than living in a state servant who is more guilty of non-religious and atheist, amen. ", with tears keep flowing, I was actually confused as to why I could pray like that, but it is in my heart and that's what you want me to say. I know the word "creed" of one of the adoptive family, but he did not give the content or creed teaches sentence for me. Which is only delivered, if you want to convert to Islam, should read the sentence creed. So basically I was not able to read the sentence creed, that's all. But that night, I was very sure to read the creed. Because of my belief that, every few seconds after I prayed, a voice came back saying, "Creed was, in fact syahadatmu Because it's from your heart", then the voice said again, "ASYHADU An-Laa ilaha illallah, WA ASYHADU Anna Muhammadar Messenger ", then I started to follow the voice slowly and repeatedly, the sound is not only sound one time, but beberapakali show until I could read his own creed by heart and my mouth, I will confidently say:" ASYHADU An-Laa ilaha illallah, WA ASYHADU Anna Muhammadar Prophet ". After I read the sentence creed, I felt satisfied, relieved and calm. I like to feel something new, something that has not had the happiness I feel, as if all the burden in my life like a lost, as there is no problem and no-load life that I feel. Really feeling that can not be unsaid. Then at about 08.00 am in the morning I said to the adoptive family, bahwasannya I'm ready to convert, but I did not tell that I experienced last night. All members of adoptive families immediately started to cry hysterically and hugged me and kissed me, it all seemed happy at that time. I described the happiness that can not read, because they cry tears of happiness is really very thrilling. Then I was told to shower repentance, to be notified the ropes. After a shower I was taught to berwudhlu, and after I was given gloves and wudhlu koko. Where sarongs and Islamic clothing koko is the first time I wear, and then the adoptive family told me to follow what is done every day, meaning I have to follow the movements of prayer when dimasjid later, because I will be invited to attend Friday prayers. After that I was invited to a mosque that the mosque was already pretty full by Friday prayers congregation. At first I was afraid to enter the mosque, because if the process is too fast for me, I have just converted to Islam just now, suddenly had to go into the mosque, that in fact it is the only known place of worship. But I was still invited to come in and sit down and follow the movements of Friday prayers.